im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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