Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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