I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
