i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
