R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
