you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
