Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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