Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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