Sorry, I don't speak sober.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
