we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
