you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I could make wine with my vomit
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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