i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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