she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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