remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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