You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
