'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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