Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
