hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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