So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
