A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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