That's intense
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
