i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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