This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
