im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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