I am puke
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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