Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
