this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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