I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
