omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
