Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
