I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
