is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
