I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
