I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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