Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
