Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
