honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
