peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
