yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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