she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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