I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
