You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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