hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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