i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
