goodnight i made you a song goodbye
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
