i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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