He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
