was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
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