she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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