I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's blow job season.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
