Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
