I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
